Life as a Stay-at-Home Dad
Happy summer everyone and more importantly, Happy Father’s Day to all the dads!
It’s been a while since I last wrote one of these. I have been deep in paternity leave and most of my time has been spent chasing Julian as he parkours across our apartment leaving a trail of toys, books, and terrified dogs in his wake. By the end of most days, all I want to do is curl up into a fetal position and pray for one night of uninterrupted sleep rather than bang my head against a keyboard in front of a blank page trying to figure out what to write.
Free time and energy have been harder to come by as a full-time stay-at-home dad of two!
That’s not to say I haven’t had any free time. In a way, all my time is free now. After 13 years in investment banking and private equity, an industry which on a good day can be described as “hard-charging” and on a bad day as the corporate embodiment of dementors from Harry Potter, I’m moving onto a different job next month. With the change, I’ve had three months completely detached from the emails, calls, meetings, etc. that once defined and took up so much space in my life.
Instead, my days consist of school drop-offs and pickups, playground visits, and bathtime. My biggest worry every day is figuring out what to feed Julian for dinner and hoping he finds the night’s offering acceptable. Whatever time is left, I’ve used to explore my other interests. I ran two half-marathon last month, added a few new recipes to my bag, and took up golf lessons again (although I’m still waiting to see those results on the course…) But mostly, I’ve spent this time with my new expanded family, learning how to be a dad.
Becoming a dad had been one of the most transformational things that ever happened to me. As with most things, the changes didn’t happen overnight. It happened little by little, with tiny changes every day until you look back after a few years and see you’re a completely different person than who you were before. Raising kids has taught me to be more present, more compassionate, and more kind. It’s taught me to accept things outside my control. It’s taught me that there are other things in the world than always climbing the corporate ladder.
As I celebrated my second Father’s Day as a dad and first as a dad of two last weekend, I took some time to reflect on what I’ve learned in those years and how much more I have to grow. I’ve barely gotten started on this journey that is going to last the rest of my life.
I am far from a perfect dad. I am wholly imperfect. I’ll still check my phone when I should be watching the kids. I still get frustrated when the unexpected happens and have to change my plans (which is all the time). And some days I won’t feel like doing it at all, preferring to stay in bed and sleep-in like the old days.
But no matter what, you always end up dragging yourself out of bed because there are no days off as a parent. You don’t need to be perfect but you need to show up every day. That’s one of the most important lessons for anything in life. You always have to show up.
I came across this awesome quote from the late, great Charlie Munger that he gave around his 70th birthday about growing old. He passed away earlier this year a month shy of his 100th birthday (RIP).
““I’m doing the best I can. But I’ve never grown old before. I’m doing it for the first time. And I’m not sure that I’ll do it right.””
I feel the same way about being a dad. This is the first time in my life that I’m doing it. I have no idea if I’m doing a good job but I’m going to do the best I can. It’s the most important job of my life.