The Parable of the Fisherman and the Businessman
Serena Vy Feng was born in the same hospital operating room as her brother on the morning of March 28, 2024. Unlike her brother, she was gracious enough to stay inside all the way through her scheduled date, granting her parents a smooth and as stress-free as possible morning of delivery. She joined her siblings Julian, Mia, and Brady back home where Tiffany and I have started new lives as full-time zookeepers.
The Joys and Challenges of Your Kids Growing Up
Watching your kids grow up is one of the joys of parenting. As newborns, they are completely helpless, barely human, little creatures. They can’t do anything. But little by little they grow up a tiny bit every day. They start rolling over. They start sitting up. They start walking. Every one of these milestones is an achievement worth celebrating.
Holding Serena for the first time reminded me how much Julian has grown in the short 18 months he’s been with us. Serena was born at 6 lb 2 oz and feels so little when I hold her. Julian, born 4 weeks early, was even smaller at 4 lb 12 oz. His foot was the size of my thumb. He was tiny. Julian is now a full-blown toddler, a little person with his own personality, wants, and ideas. With that comes a shift from cute, playful, innocent baby to cute, playful, agent of chaos.
He no longer plays with his toys. He throws them out for the adults to pick up. He no longer sits in the highchair. He runs around for his meal to be brought to him. He no longer waits patiently. He lays spread eagle on the ground wailing until someone picks him up. All the while Serena is right there calmly sleeping through the chaos, a reminder of Julian when he was her age just a few short months ago.
Sometimes you get frustrated. Sometimes your patience wears thin. But then they look at you, laugh, give you a hug, and all that washes away. You remember that everything in life is temporary. Eventually, they’ll grow up, probably quicker than you’d like, and you’ll look back wistfully willing to trade a hundred tantrums for one of those hugs again.
A lot of parenting advice out there tells you not to pick up your kids all the time. I say ignore that. Pick up your kids as much as you want. Eventually, they won’t want you to pick them up or you won’t be able to anymore.
Get in as much as you can when you can.
The Parable of the Fisherman and the Businessman
Since starting a family and welcoming a new addition, I’ve continued to reflect on what is most important to me in life. Having spent my entire career to date in finance, my historic measures of success and happiness have been things like earnings, promotions, prestige, etc. I’ve since started accounting for other factors like enjoying what you do and control over your schedule.
It’s not that I no longer care about the things in the first bucket, it’s more a recognition that many other things in life bring joy and a lot of those things don’t cost money – time with loved ones, time with yourself, learning a new skill, preparing a delicious meal for others, etc. I’ve practiced being more intentional about diversifying my happiness portfolio to make time for those things.
I recently came across an old parable about a fisherman and a businessman that highlights the importance of knowing what matters most to you.
A businessman was vacationing in Mexico when he met a fisherman selling freshly caught fish from a small boat.
As a regular of the NYC omakase scene, this businessman knew fish and he saw immediately that this fisherman had the goods. Sensing a business opportunity, the businessman started asking questions “How long did it take you to catch this fish? Where do you fish?”
The fisherman replied “Not very long. There are a lot of good fish in the water next to our village and I own the only fishing boat. It is very hard for other boats to reach so easy to catch fish”.
Differentiated product. Barriers to entry. Growth potential. The businessman ears were perking up and kept pushing “Why don’t you stay out longer to catch more fish and make more money?”
The fisherman was a little confused and replied “I make enough money to support my family. I sleep late, play with my kids, take siestas, and walk through our village every night with my wife spending time with our friends sipping wine and playing music. I have a very full and busy life.”
Now the businessman was confused “You are sitting on an incredible business opportunity! If you spent some more time fishing, you could make more money, buy more boats, and make even more money!”
The fisherman replied “and then what?”
“And then you can make even more money by vertically integrating and taking out the middleman. Controlling the product, processing, and distribution. You would own your own fishing enterprise.”
“And then what?”
“And then you can IPO or sell to private equity and make millions!”
“Millions!? Ay caramba! And then what?”
“And then you can retire to a fishing village to fish whenever you want, play with your kids, take siestas, and spend time with your wife and friends.”
“But isn’t that what I already do?”
You can read this parable in a lot of ways. It’s a story about not moving the goal posts or seeking joy over material wealth. In a lot of readings, it’s easy to come away thinking the fisherman is “right” and the businessman is “wrong”.
I don’t necessarily think that is the right takeaway. For me the fisherman and the businessman are just playing two different games. The businessman might be genuinely motivated by the money or the idea of building something. That’s perfectly fine. That’s the game he’s playing. The fisherman, on the other hand, doesn’t care about any of those things. He only wants to make enough money to spend time with his family and friends, fish in the morning, and kick back in the evening. That’s great too. That’s the game he’s playing.
Everyone is playing a different game in life. We all have different priorities, values, and beliefs. Don’t get caught up playing someone else’s game.
Play your game.