Lessons from year 1 as a dad
Julian is turning one later this week. It’s hard to believe it’s already been a year since he arrived. The saying “the days are long but the years are short” really hits different as a parent. I remember when Tiffany and I brought him home from the hospital, he was just this helpless little 5 lb baby. Now, he’s a helpless little 20 lb baby with an attitude.
Coming up on one year as a dad, I wanted to share a few lessons I’ve picked up so far.
1. Appreciate the little moments
Most of the time spent with a new baby is mundane (as is life). Feeding, changing diapers, playing with the same few toys, etc. The big developmental milestones come and go so we’re mostly left with the moments in between - their laugh when you toss them in the air, the smile as you come home from work. These little moment can bring so much joy if you let them. The more you practice recognizing these little moments, the more you’ll see how much good is in our daily lives that you never bothered to notice before.
2. Be nicer to your parents
Reflecting on the relationship I want to have with Julian, it’s hard not to think about my relationship with my own parents. It weighs on me more now whenever I don’t return a call or am a little short with them. Is this how I would want Julian to treat me when he is older? The urge to nurture and help your children never goes away even when they are adults. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just accept it. It’s really the least you can do after they gave you life. Another fact that’s become abundantly clear is that our parents did not have it all figured out. They were just winging it every day like us. They are humans with flaws, weaknesses and blind spots but they did the best they could. All you can do is to be the best parent and child that you can be as well.
3. Be present
It’s easy to get caught up in our busy lives – thinking, planning, doing. There will always be more work, another meeting or call to prepare for. Don’t let it take away from the time you spend with your family. Put the phone away and be there. We all tell ourselves that if we work harder now, we can be more successful, retire early and then we’ll have as much time to spend with our family as we want in some imaginary future. But is that worth the cost of the present? A core concept in finance is the present value of money. It means $1 today is worth more than $1 in the future. We can apply this same concept to our time. The value of 1 minute today is worth more than 1 minute in the future. Today, we are our kids’ entire world. Tomorrow, they will have their own friends, family, etc. and who knows how much time we really have left. Don’t waste the present.
4. Take care of your self
While we can’t get back the time we spent in the past, we can take steps to ensure we have more of it in the future. Exercise daily, eat clean, hydrate, get 7-8 hours of sleep every night. It’s not rocket science. In the short-term, you’ll feel better physically, mentally and have more energy to parent. In the long-term, taking care of your body today means you’ll be around longer for the important moments with your kids and grandkids (and more). Take care of yourself so you can take care of others. It’s one of the best investments you can make today.
5. We were all born innately good and curious
Somewhere along the way to adulthood we lost that. We stop getting excited about the world. We stop learning and exploring. We start worrying about what the world thinks. We lose touch with who we really are. Sometimes we just need to take life a little less seriously and remember what it's like to be a kid.
6. Setting an example
Babies are much more perceptive than we give them credit for. They pick up on our actions, habits and energies. We are their entire world and they will model themselves after us. This realization has pushed me to become far more aware of how I show up every day, to make sure I’m setting an example worth following.
Hopefully when I look back next year, I will have lived up to and continued to apply these lessons or at least gotten a little bit better. I’m still figuring out this whole dad thing (and life) but like to think that I’m moving in the right direction!