Happy Birthday Juju & Home is Where the Heart Is
October was another busy month for the Feng family. Tiffany and I took our first trip without the kids and came back just in time to celebrate Julian’s second birthday (happy birthday Juju!) Serena is getting cuter and rounder by the day and has started sitting up and eating solid foods.
It’s crazy how quickly time passes once you have kids. It feels like just yesterday we were rushing to the hospital as Julian arrived one month early. The past seven months with Serena especially have been a complete whirlwind. At the same time, it’s felt LOOOOOOOOOONG as we try every day to keep the chaos at bay. The clock never seems to tick slower than that last hour before bedtime after a long day.
So here we are, two years into our journey as parents, in the thick of the baby phase in a NYC apartment where the tequila bottles have been replaced with baby bottles, the game consoles replaced with children’s toys, and no end in sight. And we wouldn’t have it any other way (maybe a little more consistent sleep wouldn’t hurt). We are blessed with two beautiful, happy, and healthy babies that bring endless joy to our lives.
Eventually we’ll move into another stage where I’m told things “get easier” but we’re still a few years and thousands of diapers away. It feels like a lifetime but I’m sure it’ll come in a blink of an eye. One thing parenthood has taught me is to appreciate the present. Don’t get too fixated on the future that you miss out on what’s happening in front of you.
I came across the wonderful quote that captures the sentiment perfectly:
“Tomorrow they will be a little older than they are today. This day is a gift. Just breathe. Study their faces and little feet. Pay attention. Relish the charms of the present. Enjoy today. It'll be over before you know it".
Your kids (or any loved one) are never going to be this age again. You're never going to have this moment again. Enjoy it while it lasts because nothing else is guaranteed.
This month, I wanted to share some reflections after me and Tiffany’s trip to Europe without the kids (TLDR – I am too old for long trips).
Earlier this month, Tiffany and I spent a week in Europe without the kids. We started in London (my first time) before heading to Santorini to celebrate a friend's wedding (congrats Liz and Pat!).
Before leaving for the trip, Tiff and I have been IN IT trying to take care of two babies. Even though we are blessed with a lot of help from the grandmas, it’s still a lot trying to balance kids, new job, dogs, working out, some semblance of social life, and blogging.
After a few months, you start feeling stretched, like butter on too much toast. Everything just becomes a little harder. You have less patiences, less discipline, less focus. You’re just grinding it out every day. We were in much need of some time away to recharge our batteries.
The interesting thing about these long vacations nowadays is that they always end with me more exhausted than when I start. The combination of the inevitable eating, drinking, staying out late, and simply being away from home takes its toll.
Being at home provides a certain structure that keeps me on track and away from things I shouldn’t be doing. I know when I need to wake up and go to sleep. There is specific time carved out every day to take care of the kids, walk the dogs, workout, and work. It all fits nicely in a 24-hour block without much room for anything else. It keeps me disciplined because I have no other choice.
All that structure goes out the window on vacation. Without kids or any responsibilities, you end up having more time than you know what to do with. It’s hard to wake up early when you don’t need to. It’s hard to go to sleep on time when you’re with friends in a new city. It’s hard to avoid indulging when everyone else is. No matter how hard I try to keep up my routines, my willpower slowly erodes the longer I am away from home. Usually halfway through the trip, I’ll fully have settled into the new default of vacation.
At the end of the day, it’s not a big deal. It’s vacation and some R&R is much deserved. But after a week of this, your body and mind start feeling the drain and I start itching to go back home.
I still love to travel. I love trying new restaurants, seeing old friends, and exploring new cities. One of my favorite new activities while traveling is going on a long run through the city to see the sites. But lately, the best part of travel has been that first night back home – when I’m in my own bed with the dogs curled up at our feet, after a hot shower and the first non-airport / airplane meal, and the kids quietly sleeping (at least for the moment).
Vacation gives you the space away from your normal day to day hustle so you can appreciate it more when you get back. Everything becomes less of a chore that you have to do every day and more a gift that you get to do every day - You get to play with your kids, you get to take them to school, you get to tuck them in at night.
Jerry Seinfield talks about this idea of cherishing the “garbage time” with his three kids:
“I’m a believer in the ordinary and the mundane. These guys that talk about ‘quality time’ — I always find that a little sad when they say, ‘We have quality time.’ I don’t want quality time. I want the garbage time. That’s what I like. You just see them in their room reading a comic book and you get to kind of watch that for a minute, or [having] a bowl of Cheerios at 11 o’clock at night when they’re not even supposed to be up. The garbage, that’s what I love.”
Of course, you want to be there for the “quality time” – the vacations, the birthdays, the graduations, etc. But most of life is made up of the moments in between. Once you stop focusing on the next big thing, you can start finding the little joys in the garbage time of an ordinary, run of the mill day.
Sometimes you just need a good vacation to remind you that you have everything you need at home.